Desirae Whittle, She/Her

Certified Birth Doula

I am a parent, a birth doula, holding space consultant and

an infertility warrior.

When deciding to add to our blended family, I began to worry about the support I would receive during my pregnancy and labor. With limited family nearby who could offer that support, I asked people what they did? I said there must be someone who can help me. That’s how I learned about doulas. I became fascinated with the idea of not only having a doula, but becoming one myself.

My plans were put on hold as conceiving our daughter was harder than we hoped. I was worried it would be hard for me to be in the room supporting women in labor when that is what I wanted more than anything. I realized as women from my infertility support group became pregnant, pregnancy after infertility is often challenging emotionally, and these warriors would also really benefit from a support person; a doula.

My support group encouraged me to pursue my dream of becoming a doula, and I’m glad I listened. I obtained my initial certification through DONA International, and attended workshops such as childbirth education, multiple breastfeeding classes, Spinning Babies, and Hypnobirthing. I also received my certification in grief work and as a holding space consultant through Birth, Breath and Death. My first client was an infertility warrior, and after helping her welcome her miracle into the world I knew being a doula was the only thing I wanted to do. It was what I was meant to do.

Fortunately for us, through the help of IVF, we became pregnant and welcomed our baby in 2017. I quickly learned a few things I bring with me to my practice daily. The first is that having a strong support team- ideally a loving partner and a trained and experienced professional is invaluable. The second is even the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. I had every intention of having an unmedicated, vaginal birth. I ended up being induced at 37 weeks, and 6 days later, after a few unforeseen complications, had the most beautiful belly birth (cesarean).

I walked away having a beautiful and empowering birth experience.

I believe it’s the birth that matters; it’s how you feel about the birth.

That is my goal for each and every one of my clients.

Fast forward to the spring of 2020. Nothing is normal; we are living in a global pandemic. On what was another typical day of social distancing at home with our immediate family, I realized that my period was late. I didn’t think much of it; I had only seen a positive pregnancy test once in my life, and that was after unsuccessful IUIs, abnormal embryos, a failed transfer and one last embryo. I found an old pregnancy test in our bathroom cabinet and decided to take it. As soon as I was finished I threw it in the garbage and went about my day. I didn’t check it til hours later. And you guessed it, it was positive. The very first thing I thought was the test was old. I checked the box, but it wasn’t expired. Then I began to shake and called a close friend (who I chose to be our doula) and she said just wanted I needed to hear.

Many would think that conceiving spontaneously after so many failed attempts and fertility assistance would bring nothing but joy. It brought joy, and fear, anxiety, guilt. I didn’t know where I fit in. Was I still infertile?

The short answer is yes. I will always be infertile. Expecting after the unexpected is complex and difficult. I prepared by mind and body with the support of my husband and doula and in January of 2021 I gave birth to my second daughter via vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC).

Regardless of your ideal birth desires: home, birth center, hospital; unmedicated, epidural, or a combination of pain management interventions; cesarean or VBAC; if this is your first child or your fourth; if you conceived your baby the first time you tried, or if this child has been years in the making, it is my mission that you always feel supported, informed, encouraged and empowered. The birth of your child is a miraculous event and I want you to reflect on that day with joy, peace, and happiness.