Longing to Lactate

Longing to Lactate

by Katie G Intended mom through gestational surrogacy

My husband and I are expecting twins through gestational surrogacy after years of loss and failed attempts at me carrying. As an intended mom, it is hard to feel connected to your babies through the process when you are not the one carrying them.

My decision to induce lactation is partially sheer determination to be able to feed and nourish our babies. But also from the overwhelming urge and need to feel close and connected to them.

Inducing lactation gives me a “purpose” while we wait and gives me a sense of control through a process that feels so out of control. Breastfeeding is so much more to me than feeding my babies, it means I will be able to have a connection with them that we don’t have now. I was lucky enough to carry 3 children in my first marriage and was able to breastfeed each for 13 months. I enjoyed the bonding and time I spent nursing and is another reason why I have decided to induce. It has been hard to accept that my body can't do what it is supposed to and watch someone else carry your children. 

I started researching my options to induce before we transferred because I knew my ability to breastfeed had nothing to do with my ability to carry.

Woman have been inducing lactation for centuries in other countries without giving birth by putting baby to breast. Our bodies are truly amazing and you don’t need a uterus or ovaries to lactate. The lactation hormones prolactin and oxytocin come from the pituitary gland and can be increased without being pregnant by manual stimulation or with the help of medication to mimic pregnancy. While pregnancy or medication can speed up the process, herbs and pumping can also work in establishing milk production. Many believe that lactation induction without medication will not work or will only result in minimal milk production, however once baby is born your body can produce more by nursing your baby. Studies show that woman inducing lactation whether with or without medication usually see milk production between day 8 and day 18 of pumping.

Through a lot of research, I found that the most popular protocol for inducing lactation is by Dr. Newman Goldfarb who has helped adoptive and intended mothers nurse their babies for years. It consists of taking a series of hormones, usually birth control, followed by a medication called Domperidone and stimulation by pumping. Initially I planned to follow his protocol, but decided the medications had too many risks for me. So I talked to my doctor who had no known protocol. She advised to pump several times a day for 3-4 months and then put babies to breast after they are born, but it sounded insane to pump that long.

I was determined to find a way to help my body do what I knew it could.

I found a book “Breastfeeding without Birthing’ by Alyssa Schnell and have worked with my doctor and Lactation Consultant to come up with a plan. I started with herbal supplements 3 times a day and massaging my breasts a few times a day with a couple drops of pure grade geranium, basil, and lavender essential oils.  Then, added in pumping every 2-3 hours during the day and once during the night on week 4 of taking the supplements. I saw changes in my breasts after 1-2 weeks. My breast size increased and my nipples started stinging randomly during the day.  Now that I am pumping, I am occasionally getting a creamy fluid out of my left breast and drops on my nipples with every pump. It has been a lot of work and a very time consuming process. However, I am determined to establish some sort of milk production before the babies are born. I have very realistic expectations that I may not have a full supply, and my goal is that I will produce something and the babies will do the rest when they arrive.