I'll feel better once my baby is born, right?
Photo by Volkan Olmez on Unsplash
While the topic of postpartum depression and anxiety comes up often, there is another topic that has been discussed with me even more lately; antenatal depression and anxiety.
Antenatal depression and anxiety is depression/anxiety that affects women during pregnancy. This form of depression can be known to increase the odds of developing postpartum mood disorders if not treated properly. This is such an important topic for a few reasons. The first is that depression and anxiety are debilitating and if they can be treated or avoided, they should be. Secondly, being pregnant is such a miracle and special time of any woman. You deserve to enjoy it if at all possible. And lastly, research shows that any form stress during pregnancy can have negative effects on fetal development.
While anyone can suffer from antenatal depression, this is something I am hearing a lot from my pregnant after infertility moms. Personally, I don't see how you wouldn't feel worried during your pregnancy. I did. So many months and or years of disappointment, of loss. Now that you are finally pregnant, it's hard to imagine that this time everything is going to be ok. But when is worrying dangerous? When is too much anxiety dangerous? For today's post, we have a guest author. Alicia E. is sharing her story and thoughts around this more common than we think issue. I cannot stress this enough: if you are questioning if your stress is normal, or you already know it is beginning to feel out of control, please do not wait and talk to a professional right away. Talk to your partner, your doula, your doctor. Help is available, and you don't have to feel this way- at least not to the extreme you are. There are people to help. You are not alone, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing great. Sending you love.
~Desirae
Fear. Worry. Anxiety. Every pregnant woman, regardless of the circumstances surrounding conception, feels one or all of these emotions to some degree during pregnancy. For some, it is a fleeting concern here and there - "I hope the anatomy scan confirms that the baby has all ten fingers and ten toes!" Or, "I'm scared of how painful labor will be."
It is normal, healthy and expected to experience these emotions in some form during the long nine months between conception and birth. But for some women, the magnitude of these feelings far exceed what is considered typical. These women experience what is called perinatal mood disorder, otherwise known as anxiety and/or depression during pregnancy. They are also more likely to suffer from post-partum mood disorders.
Did you know that women who struggle with infertility prior to a successful pregnancy are more likely to suffer from perinatal and post-partum mood disorders? When I learned this fact, I had just gotten pregnant after several years of infertility, and 4 miscarriages.
Right in front of me, in black and white, was an article telling me that I was at an increased risk of struggling with my mental health during and after my pregnancy. Yet I didn't believe it. I have always considered myself a pragmatic, and emotionally strong person. I naively believed that mental health issues could be kept at bay by willing yourself to be ruled by logic and reason.
So, I was blindsided when the anxiety I had felt upon becoming pregnant, only seemed to magnify as time went on. Instead of feeling the relief many women do upon entering the second trimester, I felt my level of fear increasing to full-on terror. While the logical side of my brain told me that statistically, I stood a very low chance of miscarrying in the second trimester, the anxiety-ridden side of me only thought about how devastating a second trimester loss would be. I felt certain for reasons I could not articulate that this type of tragedy was inevitable.
Nine months feels like an eternity when you are living with that unrelenting level of anxiety and terror. As I sat in the waiting room of the hospital, the day of my c-section delivery, I still did not believe I would bring my baby into this world alive. For nine months, I waited for the other shoe to drop. It was exhausting, but I knew I could handle this temporary stress, as it would all melt away if or when my baby was safely delivered.
Except it didn't all melt away. It got worse. I found myself in a panic over something new every day. Google searching for hours on end. I was convinced there was something wrong with my baby. When she was 8 weeks old, I was sure she was having a rare type of seizure. I ended up having her admitted for an overnight EEG. I didn't believe any of the doctors when they told me she was perfectly healthy. Once I finally accepted that she wasn't having seizures, I felt certain she was suffering from a different ailment. And so on.
I started cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) at seven months post-partum. I was staunchly opposed to the idea of taking antidepressants, and felt all I needed was good talk therapy to help me get through the beating my mental health was taking. After two months of unsuccessful CBT, my therapist gently suggested I reconsider my stance on antidepressants. I was suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the odds of treating it with therapy alone weren't good.
This wasn't a decision I took lightly. I wanted to believe my post partum anxiety and OCD would just go away. As I often did, I turned to the internet to gather facts and anecdotal stories. I read about a woman who said she was still suffering from PPD/PPA well past a year after her child was born. I felt sick as I considered the possibility of suffering another several months. Possibly longer. I reached out to my therapist and informed her I was ready to start on the antidepressant she had suggested for me.
After a short adjustment period, I couldn't believe the difference in how I was feeling. I didn't feel like a brand new person - Even better, I felt like my old self. The person I was before pregnancy, before miscarriages, before infertility. I felt like a version of myself that I had thought was gone forever.
Statistics tell us that post partum mood disorders are so common, yet rarely do we hear women openly talk about their experience dealing with it. The stigma surrounding mental health struggles prevents new moms from getting the help they need in a timely manner, if at all. As a result, many women like myself lose the opportunity to enjoy the precious newborn and infant stages. For other women the consequences of untreated post partum mood disorders can be far worse.
If you are struggling with your mental health during pregnancy, it is critical to seek treatment prior to delivery. This will help to reduce your odds of suffering long-term in the post-partum period with anxiety, depression or OCD. OB-GYN's are extremely familiar with the importance of identifying and treating perinatal mood disorders, and not just at the 6 week appointment after delivery. Even during pregnancy it is perfectly acceptable and encouraged, to communicate any unusual feelings of fear or sadness so that you can get on the path to treatment with your physician's help.
It is crucial we break this stigma and talk about how we are feeling and the challenges we are having during and after pregnancy. Only then will women feel comfortable getting the help they need.
Fear. Worry. Anxiety.
Every pregnant woman, regardless of the circumstances surrounding conception, feels one or all of these emotions to some degree during pregnancy. For some, it is a fleeting concern here and there - "I hope the anatomy scan confirms that the baby has all ten fingers and ten toes!" Or, "I'm scared of how painful labor will be."
It is normal, healthy and expected to experience these emotions in some form during the long nine months between conception and birth. But for some women, the magnitude of these feelings far exceed what is considered typical. These women experience what is called perinatal mood disorder, otherwise known as anxiety and/or depression during pregnancy. They are also more likely to suffer from postpartum mood disorders.
Did you know that women who struggle with infertility prior to a successful pregnancy are more likely to suffer from perinatal and post-partum mood disorders?
When I learned this fact, I had just gotten pregnant after several years of infertility, and 4 miscarriages.
Right in front of me, in black and white, was an article telling me that I was at an increased risk of struggling with my mental health during and after my pregnancy. Yet I didn't believe it. I have always considered myself a pragmatic, and emotionally strong person. I naively believed that mental health issues could be kept at bay by willing yourself to be ruled by logic and reason.
So, I was blindsided when the anxiety I had felt upon becoming pregnant, only seemed to magnify as time went on. Instead of feeling the relief many women do upon entering the second trimester, I felt my level of fear increasing to full-on terror. While the logical side of my brain told me that statistically, I stood a very low chance of miscarrying in the second trimester, the anxiety-ridden side of me only thought about how devastating a second trimester loss would be. I felt certain for reasons I could not articulate that this type of tragedy was inevitable.
Nine months feels like an eternity when you are living with that unrelenting level of anxiety and terror. As I sat in the waiting room of the hospital, the day of my c-section delivery, I still did not believe I would bring my baby into this world alive. For nine months, I waited for the other shoe to drop. It was exhausting, but I knew I could handle this temporary stress, as it would all melt away if or when my baby was safely delivered.
Except it didn't all melt away.
It got worse. I found myself in a panic over something new every day. Google searching for hours on end. I was convinced there was something wrong with my baby. When she was 8 weeks old, I was sure she was having a rare type of seizure. I ended up having her admitted for an overnight EEG. I didn't believe any of the doctors when they told me she was perfectly healthy. Once I finally accepted that she wasn't having seizures, I felt certain she was suffering from a different ailment. And so on.
I started cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) at seven months postpartum. I was staunchly opposed to the idea of taking antidepressants, and felt all I needed was good talk therapy to help me get through the beating my mental health was taking. After two months of unsuccessful CBT, my therapist gently suggested I reconsider my stance on antidepressants. I was suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the odds of treating it with therapy alone weren't good.
This wasn't a decision I took lightly. I wanted to believe my postpartum anxiety and OCD would just go away. As I often did, I turned to the internet to gather facts and anecdotal stories. I read about a woman who said she was still suffering from PPD/PPA well past a year after her child was born. I felt sick as I considered the possibility of suffering another several months. Possibly longer. I reached out to my therapist and informed her I was ready to start on the antidepressant she had suggested for me.
After a short adjustment period, I couldn't believe the difference in how I was feeling. I didn't feel like a brand new person - even better, I felt like my old self. The person I was before pregnancy, before miscarriages, before infertility. I felt like a version of myself that I had thought was gone forever.
Statistics tell us that post partum mood disorders are so common, yet rarely do we hear women openly talk about their experience dealing with it. The stigma surrounding mental health struggles prevents new moms from getting the help they need in a timely manner, if at all. As a result, many women like myself lose the opportunity to enjoy the precious newborn and infant stages. For other women the consequences of untreated post partum mood disorders can be far worse.